The Breaking Free, And Yet, Not

an hour and a half and two halves

plus three

parked outside and waiting

orders come actions, go!

this doesn’t seem right at all

but not one stopped before, nor did they ask

speaking lightly behind the gas station

no loitering, this is planning

see that building over there? that’s no building

maybe a building, in the sense of

… no, it’s not a building

but a construct

a challenge

time to accept

(drop all concepts of past failures, they are gone and cannot be altered)

(acknowledge all possibilities of future success, fate’s grip not yet too strong)

oh, have I forgot, gravity is up?

the endless sky ahead, I might drown!

relentless, constraining, blood draining fear

no! iv’e no time for you!

i will drown in this, for this is the breaking free

and to drown in freedom

it is horrifying

it is liberating

the sea of metal and stone below

the rusty pipes are all my hands know for security

the “anti” fall

stability

moving quickly now before i overtake myself

eyelids recede… i am up?

a new world here

not new in the sense of physics

but new to my eyes

and new to my senses

i can see all from here!

i feel my feet growing lighter

the curve of the earth

the city is spinning, no, the world is spinning

on axis, through the cold of space

no, i must fight you

mustn’t i?

exhilarating… and letting the spin take control

is this not the drowning i accepted but two minutes earlier?

i am too far up to escape

the sky comes in, suppresses, burdens, constricts my being

i am drowning in empty space!

my body begins to shake

i am not strong enough

my breathing is erratic and terrible,

my heart, doing things i knew not it could do

nor would do

hands wet with perspiration

they never sweat

surely i will fall off the earth

and space will call me into it’s deepest blackness

but i am still alive

and the strain is worse

my mind cannot comprehend itself

space and time seem muddled

i fall to my knees and grab hold of the ground

surely it cannot support me, but will fall upon itself

the earth spinning faster

there is no exit here

what a fool i was to challenge you

i cannot fight any longer

the city is silent, but for a few cars below

i am, here

and alive

also not being dead

but i fought no more

i let you overtake me

yet i remain

i have not fallen into the sky

nor has the building dragged me down with it

what is this odd turn of events?

is this what it is like

is this, finally, perhaps, some form of acceptance?

You are far worse than love!